Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Feeling pretty lonely/sad today. Started chapter 2 of the book and didn't get far when one of her comments jumped out at me. "No one will ever hurt me again." gee i think that's branded on me like one's social security card or drivers license, it's been my life's work to make sure to protect myself and ensure no one ever hurts me again. A vow that has to be confessed and forgiven, and allow Jesus in and tear these walls down. I may not feel it but I'll say it over and over "I trust you Lord", "I am loved", "I will not fear". I'm doing better not picking my face and it's finally healing. The urge to to hurt myself is still there under stress but I'm getting so much better...thank you so much Jesus. Fear is a big one for me. Fear of abandonment, fear of not being loved, fear of being hit ...I am discovering different kinds of fear that I never realized I had and I can't stand it. I was scared Jesus was mad at me and even he would end up leaving me...ugh my brain is so messed up. Jesus help me give all this to you, I know you love me and I trust you Lord,thank you Jesus, I love you.