Monday, June 27, 2011

Under God's Mighty Hand: Great Expectations (a pouring-out post)

Under God's Mighty Hand: Great Expectations (a pouring-out post): "Image from Heart and Soul Reflections I’m struggling again. And part of what I’m struggling with is how much I still struggle. I’m part..."

Wendy Blight: Message of Hope and Encouragement for You

Wendy Blight: Message of Hope and Encouragement for You: "Hi! How I have missed you girls. It has been nearly a month since I have written on my blog! Time has flown by as we have celebrated Laure..."
Trauma,can anyone really explain it? What it does to your mind? I feel like I have been fighting to get mine back after almost being beaten to death two years ago. I can't fully seem to bounce back and I forget basic things about life like it's time to make dinner for the family. Maybe I have brain damage from too many blows to the head, I don't know but something is wrong. The only thing I know I have and that is stable in my life right now is Jesus and that's it. I feel like a failure and I can't do anything right. I'm so tired of being a disappointment and being yelled at all the time. I'm so tired and don't even know what it is I'm fighting for anymore...

Sunday, June 26, 2011

You are accepted and You are loved beloved...

I am accepted

"He hath made us accepted in the Beloved (Ephesians 1:6 KJV)

Many people have a recording in their minds that plays the same song over and over. The title? "If Only." The air play? Top 10 - not just for weeks, but for years. The most distinguishing feature of this song is its brevity - only one line long. "If only _____, then I might have pleased my dad." Just fill in the blank! "If only I had been smarter in school . . . been better in sports . . . been my brother . . . been born first . . . not been born at all."

We don't understand why this one line song continues to play after the passing of time. Yet, if we were to listen to recordings of some of our earliest childhood experiences, we could see why we are emotionally stuck in one groove.

The child who hears, "You'll never amount to anything," won't feel worth much. The child who hears, "I wish you had never been born," becomes performance-based throughout life, trying to prove his importance to everyone and gain acceptance. Perhaps the "If it weren't for you, I'd be happy" theme is the most melancholy melody of all. It saddens a child of any age.

Dr. Charles Stanley says that most of us value the acceptance of our parents more than the acceptance of any other individuals. He cites businessmen in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s who are still seeking their fathers' acceptance and approval even though their fathers are dead. The little boy inside still cries out, "I've got to get my dad to accept me."

While all parents make mistakes, in God's eyes you are no mistake. As a child of God, you are never unacceptable to Him. He says, "Never will I leave you; [nor] forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5).

Jesus understands your innermost feelings when you've been rejected. He personally experienced that same kind of rejection from His family: "He came to His own and His own received Him not" (John 1:11). Therefore, who can better empathize with your need for acceptance than your Lord!

He does not love and accept you "because . . . "; He loves and accepts you, period! When you know you are totally "accepted in the Beloved," you can lift the needle off the old warped "If Only" record and gently place it on the simple, but solid, masterpiece.

Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so . . . Jesus loves me He will stay, close beside me all the way.

from Seeing Yourself Through God's Eyes by June Hunt

Seeds and Sheaves: My child...your sins are forgiven...

Seeds and Sheaves: My child...your sins are forgiven...: "Proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” He was paralyzed. At the mercy of those who wo..."

Soul Thirst

Soul Thirst

Saturday, June 25, 2011

I got this off facebook and had to share,thank you Jennifer...

He heals the broken-hearted. He binds their wounds. He is Love. He finds those forgotten. Those have been abused. He is Love. He knows your name. A father to the fatherless. A healer of the brokeness, You make beauty from the ashes. A helper to the helpless. A fighter to the hopeless you love. Those who are alone. He comforts the lonely. He hears their cry. He is Love.
Proverbs 31 Ministry~~ Jennifer

Friday, June 24, 2011

No Idea...

I am absolutely crushed right now and can't seem to stop crying. This is the kind of pain that hurts deep,the abandonment pain that I've known since I was a child. I'm turning to Jesus..."Can't you just make it go away!" I'm always going to have to deal with pain but he is here. He will listen while I moan and hold me as I cry and he promises never to leave me, ever. I can get through this now, because love has a hold of me.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Melissa decided Renee's 7-day doubt diet will help us right now....

Renee Swope

Welcome to the first email of my 7-day Doubt Diet!

I'm so excited you are joining me and thousands of others in losing the weight of self-doubt. To get started, I'm sending you Chapter 1 from my upcoming book, A Confident Heart. (see below) Reading it before you start the doubt diet will lay an important foundation, and I’ll also refer back to it in a few devotions. I'm praying for you as you prepare to lose the weight of self-doubt so you can gain a confident heart!

Discovering the Shadow of My Doubts

Copyrighted Material

Chapter 1 from A Confident Heart by Renee Swope

But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. Jeremiah 17:7 NLT

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, squinting from the bright lights above while also trying to open my eyelids so I could brush mascara on my lashes. My mouth opened too, almost instinctively. I couldn’t help but wonder why opening my mouth also opened my eyes. It didn’t make sense and neither did the way I was feeling.

My heart was wrestling with self-doubt regarding an event I would be speaking at the next day. I had felt honored, confident, and excited when the leader called months before to invite me to speak at their women’s event. Now I questioned whether I should have accepted the invitation in the first place. I couldn’t help but wonder, What’s wrong with me?

I needed to get ready, finish packing my suitcase, and drive to the airport. Instead, I wanted to stay home and do something predictable like fold laundry, order pizza, and watch a movie with my kids. Something less risky than standing in front of five hundred women to give a message that I hoped would challenge and encourage their hearts, bring them laughter, and leave them longing for more of God.

Questions replayed over and over in my head: What if I completely forget what I am going to say? What if my points aren’t that powerful? What if the women don’t connect with my stories or laugh at my humor? What if . . . ?

As I continued to put on my makeup, I asked God—once again—to please take away my uncertainty. I hated feeling this way. Canceling the event wasn’t an option. Maybe I could call in sick? No, that wouldn’t be good.

This was not the first time I’d struggled with self-doubt. In fact, doubt was something I had dealt with more times than I wanted to recount. As a child I doubted I was worth keeping. My insecurity even kept me from riding the carousel at an amusement park, because I doubted my dad would wait for me. I thought he might leave me forever once I was out of sight.

Doubt also robbed me of the joy of waterskiing as a young girl. I refused to try it because I wasn’t sure my family would come back to get me once I let go of the rope. I questioned whether I was good enough in college, so I avoided some great opportunities because they brought the risk of rejection. Even as a young bride, I doubted my husband’s faithfulness. Our newlywed memories include a lot of arguments about trust.

Now here I was years later, a grown woman in ministry, doubting myself again. It was getting old. I wondered if perhaps my self-doubt was a sign I was in the wrong calling. I mean, if God calls you to do something, shouldn’t you feel confident about it? Shouldn’t you want to do it? Shouldn’t self-assurance be part of God’s equipping?

Maybe you know exactly what I’m talking about. Perhaps you have prayed since you were a little girl to be a mother, and here you are with kids, doubting you have what it takes to be a good mom. Or maybe you’ve sensed God calling you to serve Him in a way that requires steps of faith, but insecurity has convinced you that you’re not smart enough or gifted enough. Perhaps you have wanted to change jobs for a while and now you have the opportunity to do just that, but you don’t want to go. The unknown is too scary. Although you’ve been miserable, at least the misery is familiar where you are now.

I desperately wanted to move out of the shadows of my doubts, but all I could do was go through the motions and pray that God would zap me with confidence. I kept hoping it would happen right there in my bathroom, but it didn’t. Doubt and questions continued to criticize me.

Once I finished brushing on my mascara, I turned around to put my makeup bag in my suitcase, which was on the floor behind me. That’s when I noticed a huge nine-foot shadow on the wall. I was surprised by how much bigger my shadow was than my five-foot-two-inch frame.

It was distorting my image on the wall by making my body look bigger than it really was. All of a sudden, it dawned on me. My uncertainty had created a huge shadow of doubt. Just like my shadow on the wall was distorting my shape, my doubt was distorting my thoughts and overpowering my emotions with confusion and questions.

The shadow of doubt had become bigger than what I doubted—myself.

I just stood there looking at the humongous shadow. Then I bent down to put my makeup bag in my suitcase and sensed God whispering to my heart: You can only see the shadow because you have turned away from the light. Turn back toward the light.

As I stood up and turned back toward the light above the mirror, I realized I was no longer standing in the shadow. And that was the day I discovered the shadow of my doubts.

Listening to Doubt’s Whispers

In the shadow of doubt, insecurity paralyzes us with statements like:

“I can’t do this.”
“Things will never change.”
“My life isn’t going to get better.”
“I’ll never have the confidence I need.”

Those are some depressing thoughts, aren’t they? But oh how quickly they weasel their way into our minds and disguise their voices to sound like ours. Sometimes we agree with them and they become our own.

These are the voices of insecurity that cast shadows of doubt over our perspective and keep us from becoming the women we want to be—the women God created us to be. Self-doubt blocks the promise of God’s power and truth to change us from the inside out so that we can live with a confident heart.

Have you ever agreed with the whispers of doubt and found yourself living with a sense of discouragement and defeat? Have you felt paralyzed by insecurity, and let it stop you from living confidently? If so, you are not alone.
Maybe, like me, you have wondered why you struggle with self-doubt. Or maybe you’ve asked God to take away your insecurities and give you a more confident personality, yet you are still waiting for that to happen. Perhaps you are good at hiding your doubts and no one but you knows the paralyzing power they have on your life.

As you read the title of this book, did any hint of doubt creep in to tell you it’s not possible to have a confident heart? It wouldn’t surprise me. Doubt keeps us from believing things can get better. Doubt convinces us that it’s not worth the effort. Doubt shouts from the sidelines:

“It’s too hard.”
“You might as well quit.”
“Go ahead and give up. Just close the book now and walk away.”

It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way

Don’t listen to those thoughts, my friend. God doesn’t want us stuck in a cycle of defeat or living in the shadows of doubt. He reminds us in Isaiah 49:23, “Then you will know that I am the LORD. Those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” Yet, doubt and hope cannot live in our hearts at the same time. As God’s girls, we need to know and believe that change is possible. We need to hope that life can be different. Otherwise, doubt will win every time and our hearts will be eroded by attitudes and emotions of defeat—but it is not supposed to be this way.

God declares with confidence that things can change—“See, I am doing a new thing!” “I am working all things together for good, because you love me and are called according to my purpose.” “All things are possible to [her] who believes” (Isa. 43:19; Rom. 8:28; Mark 9:23 NASB).

Over the past few years, I’ve found lasting confidence by living daily in the security of God’s promises. He’s led me beyond believing in Him to really believing Him by relying on the power of His Words and living like they are true no matter what my feelings tell me. Some days I do better than others, and you will too. But I’ve found that when I choose to dwell in the assurance of Whose I am and who I am in Him, I have a confident heart.

The God of all hope is calling you out of the shadow of your doubts so you can live with a confident heart! Are you ready to let His Word change the way you think, which will determine the way you feel and eventually transform the way you live (Rom. 12:2)? This will be a process that happens if you are willing to have honest, soul-searching conversations with God, yourself, and a few people you trust—conversations about where you are, how you got here, and where you really long to be.

If you are looking for a friend you can trust with the things of your heart, this book is a great place to start. I promise to create honest conversations about our doubts that will challenge us to live beyond them. We’ll look back so we can move forward, and talk about how we got to this place of being so hard on ourselves.

We’ll do the most important thing first: spend time digging deep into the heart and character of God and so we can learn to depend on His heart toward us. The next three chapters will be foundational as we examine and grow in our understanding of who God is and who we are to Him. We will take the first steps out of the shadows of doubt as we choose to embrace the reality of His measureless grace, unconditional love, and redeeming hope.

Next, we’ll identify the triggers of our self-doubt and the destructive effects they have on our lives and relationships. We’ll learn how to live beyond the shadows of doubt by holding each of our insecurities up to the light of God’s Word. We’ll talk about the struggles, uncertainty, and fears we all face and how we can learn to actively trust God’s heart as we process our never-ending thoughts, our always-changing emotions, and our oh-so-busy and often confusing lives through the transforming truth of God’s Word. We will find our heart’s confidence in Christ as we learn how to rely on the power of His promises in our everyday lives.

Before we get started, there are a few things I want to make sure you don’t miss. At the end of each chapter I have included something really important: a prayer that weaves together Scriptures we’ve talked about in the chapter and others I want us to engrave on our hearts. Praying God’s Word has been one of the most life-changing ways I’ve learned to live in the security of His promises.

One way God tells us that confidence will come is when we ask Him for what is already part of His will. “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us” (1 John 5:14 NASB). So there you go: we can be confident we are praying God’s will when we pray God’s Word!

But that’s not all. Romans 10:17 tells us that “faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ” (NASB), so let’s pray these promises out loud again and again. That might seem weird but trust me, it works. When we pray God’s words out loud, and hear them, the Holy Spirit engraves them on our hearts and writes them in our thoughts. We internalize God’s truth as our faith grows and we are transformed from the inside out!

I also want you to take time to answer the reflection questions after the prayer in each chapter. These will also be an essential part of processing, internalizing, and applying God’s promises to your life. Be sure to get a journal or notebook to write out the promise prayers and your answers to the questions so you can look back and see what God has done.

Reading this with a small group of friends would be ideal, but if you are going through it on your own, that’s okay too. I’ve created a section of my interactive website where I would love for you to be part of the conversation with me and other women who are seeking to live with confident hearts!

Are you ready to take God’s hand and trust His heart? If so, let’s get started together in prayer.

Praying God’s Promises

Lord, I pray that You would give me a confident heart in Christ. Take me beyond believing in You to truly believing You. Help me rely on the power of Your promises and live like they are true. You say blessed is the one who trusts in You and whose hope and confidence are found in You. Those who hope in You will not be disappointed, because You work all things together for good for those who love You and are called according to Your purpose.

When self-doubt tells me I can’t overcome my insecurities, I will believe Your promise that all things are possible to whoever believes. I will not throw away my confidence, because You say it will be richly rewarded. I will persevere so that when I have done the will of God, I will receive what You have promised. My confidence is in Christ and I am no longer one who shrinks back and is destroyed, but one who believes and is saved! In Jesus’ name, Amen. (See Jeremiah 17:7; Isaiah 49:23; Romans 8:28; Mark 9:23; Hebrews 10:35–36, 39.)

Reflection and Discussion Questions

1. What is your earliest memory of doubting yourself or feeling insecure?

2. Has insecurity ever kept you from doing something?

3. Describe how it makes you feel when doubt whispers:
“I can’t do this.”
“Things will never change.”
“My life isn’t going to get better.”
“It’s too hard.”
“I might as well quit.”

4. Describe what happens in your heart when you read God’s words:
“Those who hope in me will not be disappointed” (Isa. 49:23).

“See, I am doing a new thing!” (Isa. 43:19). “And we know that
in all things God works for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

“All things are possible to [her] who believes” (Mark 9:23 NASB).

5. What do you think hinders you most from living with God-confidence on a consistent basis? Is there a promise listed above that speaks to your greatest need right now?

6. How would you describe a woman with a confident heart?

7. Read Jeremiah 17:7. What does this verse promise and encourage you to do? Think of one situation where you could live in the power of this promise and describe what that would look like this week.

© 2011 by Renee Swope with Revell Publishing. All rights reserved

This chapter is taken from Renee Swope’s new book A Confident Heart. Order your *signed copy through Proverbs 31 Ministries today! Orders placed *before August 15th will be signed by Renee.

Click here to share your thoughts about Chapter 1 on Renee's Confident Heart Facebook page.

Renee Swope’s passion is to lead women to live confidently in Christ by showing them how to rely on and live in the power of God’s promises in their everyday lives. For more information, about Renee and her ministry visit

©2011 Proverbs 31 Ministries | 616-G, Matthews-Mint Hill Rd, Matthews NC 28105

Monday, June 20, 2011

Devotion taken from Leslie Ludy.....enjoy...

Many of us struggle with constant thoughts of worthlessness, discontentment, resentment, or fear. Those kinds of thoughts are merely temptation from our enemy - he is tempting us to believe lies about ourselves, others, or our King. Martin Luther once wrote, “You can’t stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.” We may not be able to keep the thoughts from entering our mind, but we can keep them from staying in our mind—by kicking them out the moment they arrive! Giving in to those thoughts and allowing them to linger in our head allows them to take root inside our heart and begin to control our life. Remember that protecting our inner sanctuary is not just a defensive action; it is offensive as well. And one of the best offensive moves we can make is to set up a guard station at the entrance of our mind. Instead of passively allowing any and all random thoughts to saunter right on in and hang out for as long as they want, we must actively begin chasing away any thought that is not a reflection of Jesus Christ.

One of the most effective of weapons against wayward thoughts is prayer. I’m not talking about just praying defensively, asking our God to give us strength to flee from temptation. I’m also talking about praying offensively, asking that Jesus Christ, in His amazing heroic strength and power, would wreak havoc on the enemy of our soul. There is nothing Satan hates more than seeing a lost sinner come to know Jesus Christ. When our enemy is attacking us, one of the very best ways to hit him below the belt is to pray specifically for an unsaved person in our life to discover Jesus Christ.

Identify the areas of your life where you are most vulnerable to temptation. Do you struggle with depression? Do you have a weakness in the area of sexual temptation? Whenever Satan tries to pounce on our vulnerable areas, we can use that opportunity to hit him back by praying for the salvation of someone in our life that is in need of Jesus Christ. It is important that we develop this technique as a habit in our life, rather than just a one-time attempt. When our enemy sees the consistency with which we use this tactic, he will back off in a hurry, and we just might get to see another life eternally changed in the process! *

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Sunday, June 19, 2011

I wanted to share this from Hope for the Hurting Parents...

Difficult Father’s Day
June 19, 2011 by denayohe
When special days come I am always thinking about parents whose hearts are breaking and burdened, full of pain and worry,  fear and rejection.  Father’s Day is one of those difficult days you would just rather skip and pretend it didn’t occur.  Everyone is receiving cards and going out to do something together.  Your neighborhood may be full of family get-togethers.  Friends and relaties may be asking what your plans are.  Or at work the next day they will be asking how your Father’s Day was — which means you are supposed to brag on how loving and thougthful your children were, showing you how much they love you.  Not!  Maybe you just wish you knew where they were or if they are even alive.  It’s a terrible place to be.  I remember if we didn’t hear from our daughter (or maybe not until the end of the day) I would feel so bad for my husband.  It hurt me, too.

It’s just so hard!  You want to crawl in a hole and make it all go away.  It just makes your pain worse because it only reminds you what you don’t have anymore . . . .  it makes you long for when your child was younger and they actually wanted to be with you.  You were their hero!   What happened?

Drugs happened.  Alcohol happened.  Friends with negative influences happened.  Depression happened.  Self harm happened.  Anger and resentment happened.  Rebellion happened.  Live changed.  They chagned.  Nothing’s the same.

This message is to every hurting dad out there who feels their pain compounded on Father’s Day.  I hope your son or daugther will at least call you and say Happy Father’s Day, even if they aren’t ready to say,”I Love You” . . . but if not, remember this is just one chapter in their lives, it’s not the whole story.  It is very likely they will come around and eventually appreciate you again, even say “I love you, please forgive me, and I’m sorry I was such a jerk”. 

But that may not be today.  The wait may be long. Some say this is not a sprint, it’s a marathon!   You may wonder when it will ever end, but don’t despair.  Like my friend says, “As long as they are still breathing, there is still hope!”  

Keep believing.  Keep trusting God.  Give thanks for all there is to be grateful for in your life.  Limit the amount of time you allow yourself to fret and obsess over them.  Get busy helping someone else.  And remember this bible verse: 

 “God hears our prayers.  We can trust and depend on Him to help us, for He is the Sovereign Lord!  He is able to take what was laid waste and make it become “like the garden of Eden.”  (Ezekiel 36:35)

A great little book that gives hope in life’s severe trials is Holding onto Hope by Nancy Guthrie.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

How deep our Father's Love....

He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
Isaiah 42:2-3

Cheer up! Snap out of it! I thought you would be better by now! What's your problem?!

When we have been badly bruised, we have an increased sensitivity to noise. Comments like these - which many of us have heard even from people who genuinely love and care for us - are a kind of 'noise' during recovery. Because we have been bruised, these comments often feel like 'shouts' or 'raised voices in the street.' They are a kind of public shaming because of our inadequacies and neediness. And this feels like it will do us in - like the tiny recovery candle that we have just managed to light is being snuffed out by the wind of the shout.

And so when God responds with gentleness we are surprised. No shouting. No yelling. No hurrying to get better. Instead, we find compassion and tenderness. Our Healer sees that we are like a bruised reed. God will not break us. God will patiently restore us. God sees we are like a smoldering wick, ready to go out. Others might give up on us. But God will work with us until we burn brightly again.

Gentleness. Patience. Persistence. We need all three. These are the gifts offered to us by our healing God.

I am bruised, Lord.
I am smoldering.
And, I am so accustomed to shouting.
It's so noisy that I don't always hear your voice.
I don't expect your gentle ways.
I expect you to yell, to be impatient.
I expect you to give up on me.
But you do not yell.
You are not impatient.
You do not give up.
Thank you.
Gentle Healer, teach me to be gentle.
Teach me to be compassionate with myself and with others.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

This was a devotion and prayer from a previous day and I found it so comforting I thought I would share,much love to you all...

I love this daily devotion by NACR....

Daily Meditation for Saturday 18th of June 2011

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
Isaiah 40:28

There are times during our struggle to heal when our emotions become intense and stay intense for what seems like a very long time. We feel like we rant and rave and weep for hour after hour, day after day. And we worry that the people in our lives who love and support us will grow tired and weary. Will we wear them out? Will they grow tired of the journey?

In those times when we fear the limits of those who love us, we need to remind ourselves that the Everlasting God does not grow tired or weary. We can pour our heart out to God over and over again. We can rage and weep. God listens without hurry or exhaustion. God will not tire of us.

And God understands. Beyond what we can understand or fathom, God sees and knows and understands.

We need to keep talking to the people who support us, but with an appreciation for their limits and boundaries. We also need to talk to God. We can speak our heart freely and fully to our Creator every day, every hour. God will not tire of us.

It sounds silly when I say it, Lord.
but sometimes I worry that I will wear you out.
Or bore you.
But you are Everlasting God.
Creator of the ends of the earth.
You do not grow weary.
Your understanding cannot be fathomed.
You understand.
You do not tire of me.
Thank you.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

Friday, June 17, 2011

This is my life verse and is sooo good I wanted to share...

Daily Meditation for Friday 17th of June 2011

The Lord your God is with you he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

God comforts and takes joy in his children. We are like infants in his arms. God delights in us, quiets us with his love, and sings for joy over us.

It may be very difficult to imagine God so full of joy over you. This image is especially difficult for people who have been abandoned physically or emotionally by parents. You may have been unwanted. You may have been criticized and rejected. You may have been abused at the hands of the people you needed most to comfort you.

But we are not unwanted by God. We will not be rejected or abused by God. God delights in us. God longs to quiet our agitation and anxiety with love. God is so glad we are alive. God sings for joy! The Creator of the Universe takes such delight in us and sings for joy!

Do you delight in me, God?
Are you glad I'm alive?
You amaze me!
Help me, Father God,
to experience your protection.
Help me, Mother God,
to experience your nurture.
Quiet my anxious heart.
Sing to me, God.
Sing your songs of joy to me until I am quieted with your love.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Ready or not here I come by Stephanie Shott

Today, I have the privilege of highlighting the sweetest woman I've never met! I tell her that all the time, but if you've ever had any contact with Lynn Mosher, then you know why I say that! I love her heart for Jesus, for God's Word and for others! She sure does show us what it means to shine for Jesus!

Are You Dressed and Ready for the Big Day?

From the opening pages of the Bible, God relates to His people in a closeness of companionship so intimate that He compares it to a marriage relationship, as He said to Israel, “For your Maker is your Husband.” (Isa. 54:5a Amp)

In the closing pages, this relationship remains paramount, for the Father sent His Son as the heavenly Bridegroom to woo the heart of the perfect Bride into holy oneness with Him. The chosen companion suited for the heavenly Bridegroom as Peter says, “for you have been chosen by God Himself…you are holy and pure, you are God’s very own.” (1 Peter 2:9 TLB)

The Bride’s Preparation

In the ancient, Hebrew betrothal tradition, the groom departed from his bride-to-be to build the couple’s new home, which took approximately one year. During this time, the bride prepared her bridal necessities and equipped herself for her new life. All her wedding finery had to be ready at a moment’s notice, for she never knew when her bridegroom would come to snatch her away.

When the time came, the bride wanted not only to look her very best for the one she loved but also to be the very best for him, to be a good reflection on his name and his character. You see, the betrothed couple was considered married, yet they were not allowed to live together. Therefore, her behavior reflected on him.

How is Christ’s Bride living?

How is the Bride of Christ spending Her time while waiting for Her Beloved Bridegroom to snatch Her away? Is She preparing those things necessary for Her nuptials?

Does She love Him with all Her heart and soul, or does She entertain other loves? Is She doing the things the Holy Spirit leads Her to do? Is She studying the Word? Does She rearrange Her schedule to make prayer time a priority? Is She a good reflection on Her Beloved’s Name and character? Just what exactly is She doing to make Herself ready?

How does She look? How is She dressed?

Would a bride go to her wedding naked? Would you consider her appropriately dressed for her grand day of aisle-walking if her beautiful, bridal gown was covered in mud or big blotches of stains? Would she want to greet her beloved in that condition? No, of course not! A bride is immaculately dressed in her pristine, wedding attire, looking her absolute best for her bridegroom on their wedding day.

Likewise, is the Bride of Christ dressed in her pristine, bridal finery and ready for Her day of divine marriage? Or is Her garment dirtied with the stains of the world? Things like doubt, worry, unforgiveness, complaining, judging, gossip, lying, adultery, pride, impure thoughts, busyness, internet porn, other addictions, or anything else that grieves the Holy Spirit?

Have these mud-slings diverted Her focus from Her Bridegroom? Has She forgotten that Her behavior reflects on His Name and character?

Jesus asks His Bride, “Do you love Me more than these?” (John 21:15 NKJV)

James tells us of the one who remains true to Her Beloved, “The Christian who is pure and without fault, from God the Father’s point of view, is the one who...remains true to the Lord-not soiled and dirtied by his contacts with the world.” (James 1:27 TLB)

Is the Bride ready?

Is Christ’s Bride ready for Her day of snatching away? When the heavenly Bridegroom arrives, will He find us with a mopey face, hair covered in the ashes of doubt and worry, breath smelling of negative words, and dressed in a ratty, old rag of self-pity, ripped and spotted with worldly residue?

Or will He find us as “a bride beautifully dressed for her husband” (Rev. 21:2 NIV), adorned with a smile on Her face, joy in Her heart, songs of praise on Her lips, and be dressed in a pure, spotless gown of holiness?

Oh, sweet believers, may our lives be so holy and our readiness so complete that we shall have no sorrow when the Bridegroom comes calling for us, His beloved Bride.

“Behold, the bridegroom cometh!” (Matt. 25:6b KJV)

Are you ready?

~~Soli deo gloria, Lynn

Lynn's Bio...

Since 1966, I’ve shared my matrimonial nest with the same loving husband. Our nest is now empty but, on occasion, the three offspring, who have flown the coop, come to visit, accompanied by a lovable son-in-law, a daughter-in-law, and three precious granddaughters.

After being diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2000, the Lord whispered to my spirit and placed the desire in my heart to write for Him. He knew the best area of service for me at this time of my life and gave me a true purpose for my remaining years.

I now write in obedience and, in addition to devotionals and inspirational writings, my first book will be published soon. My passion is to reach out to others, to encourage them in their walk with the Lord and to comfort them through my writing, giving God all the glory.

In trusting Him, I have found that every Jordan barrier converts to an open portal, every pit offers golden nuggets, and every hill of difficulty transforms into a mount of deliverance.

Lynn's Book: Ready or Not Here I Come

What treasures await discovery!

Come along with inspirational writer, Lynn Mosher, as she digs deep into the past, where you’ll discover an ancient, Hebrew betrothal tradition. Lynn uncovers twelve steps of this sacred custom that holds profound, spiritual significance for those believing in the coming Messiah.

As you travel along with Lynn on her journey of discovery, you will experience the remarkable parallel a Christian life reflects the twelve steps of betrothal.

Ready or Not…Here I Come is a handbook, complete with detailed, personal applications. As it takes you through each step, it provides insight and inspiration for the journey to completeness in Christ, revealing how to live the Bride-kind of life as that “glorious Church without a single spot or wrinkle or any other blemish, being holy and without a single fault.” (Eph. 5:27 TLB)

Come along on your personal bridal path, escorted by your Beloved Bridegroom to His Father’s Home. The Bridegroom is waiting to whisk you away to the marriage feast under the huppah.

Never has a feast been so elaborately furnished. Never has one been so lovingly served such an epicurean delight nor drunk of such a delicate, effervescent drink. This will be the greatest and most joyous wedding banquet ever.

Are you ready to meet Him? Are you “prepared—all dressed and ready”? (Luke 12:35 TLB)

Jesus says, “Ready or not… here I come!”

Where to find Lynn:

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Plowing through the past....

This is so good I just had to share this by Sharon.. By Sharon Jaynes
Today's Truth 
 "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13,14 NIV).
Friend to Friend   
As humans, we tend to remember what we need to forget and forget what we need to remember. God, on the other hand, forgets what He promises to forget and remembers what He promises to remember. God said, "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more" (Hebrews 10:17). 
Paul tells us one of the secrets to his success as a Christian and in life. "But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13,14). 
In the Bible, God tells us that He "forgets" our sins and remembers them no more.  But how does an omniscient, all-knowing God forget?  Let's look at the antonym to get a better understanding.
There are many events in the Bible that begin with the words "God remembered":  "God remembered Noah" (Genesis 8:1), "He (God) remembered Abraham" (Genesis 19:29), "God remembered Rachel" (Genesis 30:22), "God heard their groaning and remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob" (Exodus 2:24). In each incident, God's remembering meant that He was about to do something - God was about to act.
Therefore, if God's remembering means He is about to act, then God forgetting means that He is not going to act. "For I will forgive their wickedness," He says, "and will remember their sins no more" (Jeremiah 31:34). He forgets our sins - He isnot going to act upon them. Likewise, while we cannot physically forget the details of the wounds of our past, we can choose not to act on them. We can choose to forgive the person who has hurt us and not allow the memory of the offense to control our lives. In that sense, we can forgive and forget.
When Paul talks about forgetting he does not mean that he will or even can wipe an incident from his memory. "Forgetting did not mean obliterating the memory of his past, but was a conscious refusal to let it absorb his attention and impede his progress."(Zondervan NIV Commentary: Volume 2: New Testament (Grand Rapids, Michigan: The Zondervan Corporation, 1994),  pg. 806.) Paul refused to allow anything from his past control his present.  He could tell about it, but without pain, malice, or a hint of revenge.
But it's too hard,you might say. Friend, God will never tell us to do something that He will not give us the power to do. He has instructed us to He will give us the power to do so. He has instructed us to leave the past behind ... so He will give us the power to do so. Paul said, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13). "All things" means all things that God has called us to do.
Isaiah wrote, "When a farmer plows for planting, does he plow continually? Does he keep on breaking up and harrowing the soil? When he has leveled the surface, does he not sow caraway and scatter cumin?  Does he not plant wheat in its place, barley in its plot, and spelt in its field?" (Isaiah 28:24). 
I think for many of us, we have been plowing and re-plowing the ground far too long.  We've been telling and re-telling what was done and how it was done going over the same ground and stirring up the dirt into a giant dustbowl. But there comes a point when it is time to stop plowing up the ground and start planting seeds - until then, we will never see a harvest.
Today, ask God if there is someone you need to forgive, if there is something you need to "forget," or if there is some ground you need to cease plowing. Then give the memory to God and ask Him to plant good seeds for an incredible harvest!
Let's Pray 
Dear Lord, I've been plowing up the soil of past memories for far too long. Today, I'm going to put away the plow and start planting seeds. When You see me reaching for the plow and going back to rehash old grievances and hurts, I pray that the Holy Spirit will convict me quickly. Today, the past is the past and I'm not looking back. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

This is so awesome I had to share...

Something happened to me in church yesterday.

As I sat in a crowded worship room with a kaleidoscope of believers who share the same love of Jesus, I thought to myself…

I feel safe here.

Time has forged on since the things I write about in {w}hole.  I have healed.  But I haven’t forgotten.

Safety.  Trust.  Jesus people. They don’t always go together.

The very people who speak spiritual words sometimes hurt each other.

Them.  You.  Me.

If I’m being completely open I’ll admit that the church is not the only place I haven’t always felt safe.  Friendships have been a source for this, as well.   With every let down, disbandment and severance my hurt has whispered, “Put up a wall.  You know you have to.  Protect your heart from getting broken.”

It is amazing how quickly a strong person can become weak when life feels unsafe.

But as I sat in church and pondered all these things, God reminded me of what I am to trust.  Not a perceived safety net of people, the setting, the structure.  That is displaced.  But Him. Only Him.

He wants me to risk living with an open heart, trusting that He’ll fill the vast holes if and when they come.  He needs me to open my heart wide so that I can receive a filling of all of His great goodness.   When I close it, I miss things.  Experiences.  Community.  Him.

It is in His trustworthiness that I can worship without worry.  Pray with confidence.  Risk without fear.

Feel safe. Lisa whittle wrote this and I think it is really good...

Monday, June 13, 2011

My prayer,to love God with all my heart,mind,body and soul...

Loving God Only
And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.Matthew 24:12
The first and greatest commandment is to love God with every power of our entire being. Where love like that exists, there can be no place for a second object.

Yet popular Christianity has as one of its most effective talking points the idea that God exists to help people to get ahead in this world! The God of the poor has become the God of an affluent society. We hear that Christ no longer refuses to be a judge or a divider between money-hungry brothers. He can now be persuaded to assist the brother that has accepted Him to get the better of the brother who has not!

Whoever seeks God as a means toward desired ends will not find God. God will not be one of many treasures. His mercy and grace are infinite and His patient understanding is beyond measure, but He will not aid men in selfish striving after personal gain. If we love God as much as we should, surely we cannot dream of a loved object beyond Him which He might help us to obtain!

Lord, show me what it means to love You as You commanded— with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind (see Luke 10:27).
Sent from the Mornings with Tozer, by A. W. Tozer. For devotionals like this one for your iPhone, visit us at

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Definitely more to ask for in prayer....

God's Word to You today is found in Psalm 19:1-2


For the director of music. A psalm of David. The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.”


   Today was a great day.  Why?  Because I saw God working.  How?  Because I looked.

   I looked because I have become accustomed to looking.  Why?  Because I ask God to show me His works.  And when I ask Him to open my eyes to His ways and let me see Him working He allows me to see Him.

   It isn’t a special relationship or that I am empowered or some secret supernatural power only for me.  It is supernatural but just not only for me.

   It comes from seeking and expecting God to answer that prayer.  Now hear me, I don’t prayer super hard or do some type of penance to have my prayer answered.  It is simply asking for God’s will to come to me and for me to have discernment and again, open eyes.

   And the coolest thing is if YOU ask for God to show you how He is working on a daily basis and truly seek Him then He is going to do it.  Honest, He will.

   But be for warned. It may just start blowing you away day by day and you may start seeking and finding Him more and more.  Wouldn’t that be something?   Written by Chuck Davis

Saturday, June 11, 2011

I love this...

Daily Reflection
by Mark D. Roberts on Saturday, June 11, 2011
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Fat and Fatness

Psalm 63:1-11

You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
     I will praise you with songs of joy.

[Psalm 63:5]
Psalm 63:5 is one of those verses that doesn’t sound as inviting when it’s translated literally. If you were to look at the Hebrew phrase rendered here as “You satisfy me more than the richest feast,” and then translate it verbatim, you’d get something like: “Like with fat and fatness [chelev wa deshen] my soul is satisfied.” Given our current understanding that fatty foods aren’t necessarily our friends, we may not get the original sense of Psalm 63:5. The NLT translates the verse faithfully, though perhaps not as creatively as Eugene Peterson in The Message: “I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy; I smack my lips. It’s time to shout praises!” Actually, this verse reminds me of deep-fried cheese curds at the Rutabaga Fest in Cumberland, Wisconsin, where my family and I used to visit on summer vacations.

For speakers of ancient Hebrew, chelev wa deshen conjured up pictures of rich food, bounty reserved for special feasts. Moreover, the word chelev was used in Scripture mainly for the fatty portions of a sacrifice that were reserved for God and burned on the altar, rather than eaten. As it says in Leviticus 3:16, “All the fat belongs to the LORD.” It makes a “pleasing aroma” to him, rather like grilling a piece of prime steak on a barbeque.

So, when David speaks of “fat and fatness,” he’s not only imagining the most lavish of feasts, but he’s also including the Lord as a fellow feaster. As he spends time with God in prayer and praise, David’s whole being is satisfied. It’s a feeling that’s similar to sharing a celebratory meal with your dearest loved ones and closest friends.

Of course, such a feeling of deep satisfaction doesn’t just happen. It comes only as we savor the rich food on our plate and the lavish love around our table. So it is in our relationship with God. We will only be satisfied in him as we spend time with him, drinking deeply of his truth and reveling in his presence.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: When have you experienced deep satisfaction and delight? Has this happened in the context of a meal? What made this experience so wonderful? Have you ever known this kind of satisfaction with God? How might you open yourself to a deeper and more satisfying experience of the Lord?

PRAYER: Gracious God, first of all, though it’s not the main point of this psalm, I do want to thank you for the delights of good food. How wonderful that you have created such marvelous tastes and textures, allowing us to enjoy your culinary masterpieces. Thank you!

Even more, I thank you for the opportunity to know you in a deep and deeply satisfying way. I think of times when being with you has been like enjoying a fine meal with my loved ones. How amazing and profoundly gratifying!

Help me, dear Lord, to spend time with you, the kind of quality time that opens my soul to be satisfied by your presence. May I eagerly seek you, even as you are seeking me. Amen.


We need to pray without ceasing. I try to talk to God constantly throughout my day,about even the things trivial because that's what He wants me to do. He wants me to share everything and hold back nothing. The other day when I wasn't feeling loved and depressed,that still small voice inside said if you need more love pray for love. I started thinking about praying for my needs,Jesus promises to take care of all our needs! I am now telling him yes I need more love from him and that I want to feel his love. Loving him with all my heart,soul,mind and strength and yes I even pray for that, is what has gotten me through this and what is healing me now. I should be answering these questions on the bible study Hidden Joy but I just don't have any thoughts yet and I am not a writer so anyone reading this blog has been blessed with patience!

This is so good I have to post it...enjoy...

Saqib Javed 2:02am Jun 11
Armor of God
Armor of God

I AM a warrior for the Father God. Because of the authority He placed within me through Jesus, no weapon formed against me shall prosper. No demon in Hell can stand, and no attack shall come nigh my dwelling because in the Name of Jesus demons must flee. I pursue the call, not on my ability, but on the ability of the one who lives inside of me! I AM victorious! I AM more than a conqueror! I shall triumph mightily! Thank you Jesus!
My sword is the Word of God, and the only weapon I use to come against the attacks of the enemy. The Word is power and sets the captive free! My stance is secure because my foundation I stand on is the Word of God, and God backs up every Word within it. Call on the Lord and He will answer you and show you great and mighty things you know not of. THe battle isnt ours..... its the Lords. STAND!
My helmet is the helmet of salvation and the only helmet able to protect me from turning from the truth. Within it lies great wisdom that surpasses natural mans thinking. Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit causes me to know what decision to make as it arises. With wisdom..... is success..... the Word is the only thing that causes truth to stand out against any lies the devil tries to bring our way! Get Wisdom! Its all in the Word of GOD!
I have the shield of faith. Faith that my God IS who He says He IS. That my God can DO, what He says He can DO. That my God said He would never leave me nor forsake me! He is a GOd of more than enough! A God that cannot lie! A God that can heal every disease! A God that can and will deliver us, regardless the battle! I CHOOSE to trust my God with all my heart and not lean to my own understanding! I have FAITH in a GOD who sees the best in us! I have FAITH that He can move and mountain! My God is a GOD OF MORE THAN ENOUGH!
I have on my breastplate of Righteousness! I have right standing with God because I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. He has cleansed me of ALL unrighteousness. No matter what I have done in my past, He is faithful and Just to forgive me of ALL my sins and cleanse me from ALL unrighteousness. I can stand before the Father with a clear conscience because the blood of Jesus paid the price for me! The blood cleansed me from ALL sin. Jesus took my place, and that was good enough for me!
My feet are shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace. I have peace beyond all understanding because I KNOW my steps are ordered of God. I dont have to leave by my senses of what I feel, see, or hear. All those are cancelled out by the word telling me that all things work together for good, to those that love the Lord, and are called according to His purpose. PEACE in the midst of every situation my eyes remain on Jesus and His Word, therefore no storms is seen but only the end result that may God shall surely deliver me, peace beyond all understanding cause trust is in my Lord. .
STAND! YOU have the same authority within you, when you recognize what the Word says, when you see yourself the way God sees you, when you put off all those weights of the world that so easily beset you. Iron sharpens Iron, line yourself up with friends who are going to cause you to rise higher, and seek the Word deeper, and fall in love with Jesus all over again! Reexamine your life today! Pursue God with all that is within you! Why settle for less than the BEST that God has in store for YOU!
God Bless You All
Praise Jesus \0/\0/\0/\0/

Thursday, June 9, 2011

this is how it goes...

I'm getting stressed because my oldest son and dh are going at it again. Instead of picking my face I'll try writing instead. Michael,my oldest is 15 and just got out of rehab where he was treated for drug addiction and diagnosed bi-polar like his dad. He is violent with a temper like his dad and he is learning that the way we used to live,(domestic violence)is not normal,right or healthy. He is struggling and this is another thing that if I don't learn how to give it to God and trust Him with all this, it's going to kill me. I've been reading that the best thing is to get into a support group. I want to but I also suffer from severe social phobia and stay pretty isolated which I know is not healthy. We have a great group called Celebrate Recovery at our church, I just need to make myself go which is the hard part. I also deal with depression, it feels like part of me isn't plugged drive for life. Christy,my counselor,thinks I need an entire med work up with the doctor which hopefully will help along with the spiritual and life skills I'm learning. This is good,urge to tear up my face is gone and I did some journaling. I need to work on my bible study now and may get back on tonight or wait until tomorrow,who knows what I'll stick on here!:-)


Well Counceling was pretty heavy last night. My psychosis and depression is worse again but it mainly boils down to trusting God and letting go of fear. God has brought me through the worst of times so I think trust should be so's not. I'm having to learn to shift through my thoughts daily to get rid of old patterns and stand on Gods truth and His promises. Daily I have to be patient with myself because I've been this way for years so change doesn't come overnight. Jesus tells me just to come to Him, He wants all of me,I need nothing He has everything I need just come, trust, nothing will take me away from Him. Drop everything and run to Him, He loves the mess I am, Hold nothing back and come to him. Jesus take me as I am, I come to you trusting,holding nothing back, heal me and take this fear away. I love you.Amen

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The illusion of control taken from women's life bible study

Fear is both the looming realization that there are things out of my control and the frantic attempt to prove that fact untrue.
Anyone have a ritual that you do because deep down you’re afraid that if you don’t do it, something bad will happen? Growing up, I can remember my mom checking the doors at night at least 4-5 times. I get in the car and automatically reach for my phone just to make sure it’s there in case I need it.
We all do things that give us a sense that we are in more control than we really are. If we just have a certain amount of dollars a month, if we can just be nice to the right people, if we can just prevent our kids from being around negative influences . . .
Being cautious and being controlling is something we easily confuse. It’s right to be cautious about protecting our family, but it’s controlling to think that the protection begins and ends with me.
Of course, we would all admit that we know that there are things in life we cannot control. But if we were to really pay attention to our thoughts, we would find that our worries relate to our desire to be in control and our fear that we’ll find out that we’re not in control.
Though we know intellectually that God makes no mistakes, that His way is perfect, and that in the end we’ll understand; we still tend to clutch to our perception of control as if our lives depended on it. We worry, we obsess, we cry, we panic, and we frantically try to fix. And we are exhausted.
Jesus says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Our shoulders were not meant to carry the load of being in control. When it comes down to it, I cannot give up the need to worry and control on my own. It is part of the sin nature. We can see if from the very beginning of time: Eve ate the forbidden fruit in efforts of being in greater control/having more knowledge, Cain took matters in his own hands and killed his brother, Jacob manipulated (controlled) his Father to give him the portion that wasn’t his to take. Ultimately we lose out in the end when we spend our lives in turmoil trying to control what is not ours to control or worrying about the “what ifs” that we have no power to prevent.
Since control is part of our sin nature, the only way that we can learn to surrender and experience peace is when we truly trust the heart of our Father. This doesn’t come from someone else’s testimony, but must come from our own walk with God in which He reveals to our heart who He is. Once I know who He is and have an assurance of Him through my walk with Him, I quit fighting the battle to be in control knowing that the battle is not mine, it’s the Lord’s.
2 Chronicles 20:15-17 15 He said: “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. 16 Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. 17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.’”

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

These are my devotions from the past two days.  I kept re-reading the first one and then when I turned to today’s I kept re-reading it. 

“I not only love God and trust Him, I love trusting Him.  It is a constant reminder of a perpetual miracle in my life”

Lord, just as Your apostles pled and ultimately received, I ask you also to increase my faith (Luke 17:5).

Father, I want You to be able to look at my life as You did Stephen’s and be able to say that I am full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and that many people were brought to the Lord through my witness (acts 11:24).

Just as You did through Paul and Barnabas to the early disciples, strngthen me to remain true to the faith, for Your word says, “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22).

Thank you God for purifying my heart by faith (Acts 15:9).

“When we offer a trusting heart and an honest, open mind to God, renewal is on it’s way.”

Father God, according to Your word, the angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear You, and You deliver them.  Continually whet my appetite and woo me to taste and see that You are good; blessed am I when I take refuge in You!

Lord God, please continue to develope  in me the right kind of fear of You, because Your Word says that those who fear You lack nothing.  The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek You, Lord, lack no good thing (Ps 34:7-10).

Thank You, Lord, for always being good, a refuge in times of trouble.  You care for those who trust in You (Nah. 1:7).

-Beth Moore...I copied this off of courageous home keeping because I loved it sooo much and found it perfect for the time I'm in...

Tuesday 6/7/11

Feeling pretty lonely/sad today. Started chapter 2 of the book and didn't get far when one of her comments jumped out at me. "No one will ever hurt me again." gee i think that's branded on me like one's social security card or drivers license, it's been my life's work to make sure to protect myself and ensure no one ever hurts me again. A vow that has to be confessed and forgiven, and allow Jesus in and tear these walls down. I may not feel it but I'll say it over and over "I trust you Lord", "I am loved", "I will not fear". I'm doing better not picking my face and it's finally healing. The urge to to hurt myself is still there under stress but I'm getting so much better...thank you so much Jesus. Fear is a big one for me. Fear of abandonment, fear of not being loved, fear of being hit ...I am discovering different kinds of fear that I never realized I had and I can't stand it. I was scared Jesus was mad at me and even he would end up leaving me...ugh my brain is so messed up. Jesus help me give all this to you, I know you love me and I trust you Lord,thank you Jesus, I love you.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Journaling, 6/5/2011

I've decided to journal my way through hidden joy bible study. I have no idea what to do so I'll write what i feel and hope I am able to help and encourage others by my transparency. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, my mother's suicide, other traumatic events and finally over 13yrs of being emotionally,mentally and physically abused by my husband. I have lived in a prison of fear my entire life. I have been in counseling now for over two years learning how to live again. The only reason I am alive right now is because God has a reason for it. My sanity and everything I have is because of God. I have totally fallen in love with Jesus and he is the only thing bringing me through this. Yes I can say Jesus Saves! Two years ago I didn't know who I was and He pulled me out of black pit. Now he is restoring me, my family, my husband and my children. Thats enough of my history, now back to the bible study and why I actually started this blog. Chapter 1 was difficult but since I was in my counselors office it was perfect timing. What upset me so much was how horrified I was at her experience and the trauma of the rape but when I remembered when I was raped -no emotion, like I deserved it. In fact I didn't even count it as one of the most horrible things to ever happen to me. Trust and fear are the two big ones for me. Jesus please please help me trust you and take this fear way!